one of many.

Josh and I don't really subscribe to the notion of romantic holidays. We don't do many of the "usual" romantic things.

We celebrated our first anniversary in December, (driving with my entire family. #romance) and it caused me to reflect on how peculiar just about every aspect of our relationship has been.

Things went fast when Josh and I started dating. In two weeks, we were saying "I love you" and two weeks after that, we discussed the prospect of marriage.

"I've been praying about it," Josh said, "and I think i'm supposed to marry you."

"Yeah, I get that feeling, to..." I replied.

"Holy shit" he whispered.

We stayed up late that night talking about our hopes and aspirations. We had only known each other for a number of weeks, but as from the beginning, it felt like we had been best friends for much longer. Forever, in fact.

I knew I wanted to marry Josh. Not only did he feel like family from the moment we met, but I felt alive and safe. I knew if I had t walk through the flames of hell in this life, I would be okay so long as Josh was at my side.

We decided that when we got married, it would be a small affair, and it would take place in Las Vegas, as had been my dream since I was a little girl. We decided our marital plans would remain  secret for the time being; we weren't really "engaged". We had simply made a gentleman's agreement that someday, we would be sealed together in marriage.

It was four in the morning when Josh left my apartment that night--well past BYU-Idaho curfew. He later told me that he prayed his entire walk home, asking the Lord if we were making the right decision to get married, and also whispering "holy shit holy shit," because--MARRIAGE?

It wasn't until April that we announced our nuptial plans. April 1st, that is. Hue hue hue.

Some people didn't believe we were really engaged until we booked the temple, as I did not have a ring or a "proposal."  But I didn't need one. Diamonds were for basic bitches, and I already knew he was serious about marrying me, so what's the point of asking?

Our engagement was longer than I thought I could endure. NINE MONTHS, PEOPLE.

--Side note--
In the middle of our engagement, I started exhibiting symptoms of what was later diagnosed as depression and anxiety. It got so bad that I could hardly function at all. I actively wanted to die every day, and as a result, I started falling behind in school, as did Josh because he was trying to take care of me--a task that was well above his pay grade at the time. ;) Through a lot of prayer, we decided it would be best for us both if I left school and got some help, so I spend six months of our nine month engagement in a different state. Trial-and-error medications caused me to rapidly gain weight, and long story short, a rumor spread around that I was pregnant. I WISH I HAD BEEN PREGNANT. 
--Side note over--

When December finally rolled around, we were so focused on starting our marriage, we didn't care a lick about the wedding itself. (Read about our hilarious debacle with the marriage license here.) Mid morning on December 29th, we sat in the Celestial room of the Las Vegas temple, all dressed in white, waiting for our chance at eternity. It was then and there, with three minutes until our sealing, that Josh dropped to his knee and asked me to marry him.

I knew I wanted to marry Josh because I could walk through hell, and with him it would be okay... I didn't think the flames would come so soon. I thought that nothing could be worse than the struggles we endured before we were even married, but I was wrong. Life has only gotten more and more difficult since marriage.

Our first married year has been the worst year of my life, but I would do it again and again to be with the man I love.

But if this next year could lighten up on the trials, that would be cool, too. ;)

Happy Anniversary, Mr. Bishop. The first of many.


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