word vomit.

"Word Vomit" is a term that comes from the 2004 cult classic Mean Girls. Cady uses the term when she spills secrets without meaning to--the words just spill out like the unsavory half-digested contents of vomit. I use the term a little differently. You see, I just like to write things. It's cathartic to me. However, I don't deem myself to be a "good" writer. I just sit down at the typewriter and bleed. Word Vomit is what I call the half-digested (read: unedited) contents of my brain. This blog will have lots and lots of word vomit, and sometimes some well thought out and edited essays. But mostly the former.

So let's get started. 

I've never understood the concept of Retail Therapy. I have never particularly enjoyed shopping. Even as a teen, I hated wrestling horny, peacocking adolescents for overpriced, poor quality garments made by East Asian children. "Netflix in the bath therapy" or "pizza therapy," now that I could get behind... but shopping?

That is until recently. Recently, my mental health has taken a dive, and for the first time in my life I understand the popularity of Dr. Visa Platinum. You come home from a long day of work to a messy house, your to-do list overflowing with very crucial things that really need to be done immediately. *click click.* New shoes. Ahhh. Instant gratification is a drug and I am becoming addicted. 

Fear not, I haven't done anything stupid, like buying thirteen pianos.  Just a few fancy bras and a whole lot of makeup. Someday I will be an adult and spend that money on a real doctor... someday.


The other day I heard someone say they don't really like The Killers / Brandon Flowers and I was honestly appalled. Like I cannot even fathom why, because to me, B-Flow is one of the world's greatest lyricists, and his unrefined tenor voice simply adds to the ambiance for me. His words are relatable. His voice is raw.  Brandon Flowers is one of the musicians whose work has honestly deeply impacted my life. Or, I should say, helped me cope with some shiz. Flamingo and Battleborn got me through a really hard time in my life (specifically Be Still, Only the Young, and Deadlines and Committments) alongside Marina Diamondis' Happy and a few other songs.

Music is powerful.


You know what else is cool? Marriage. Josh and I are at a point where we tell each other about our crushes on other people, and just laugh. For example, I have an admiration for the appearance of Josh's boss. Josh thinks it's hilarious--more so now because he TOLD HIS BOSS that I called him a silver fox and now I blush every time I visit Josh at work.

Is that normal? I have no idea. But I know it's completely innocent, and it makes me laugh. Jealousy and pettiness are gross. They seem to be worshiped in millennial culture--my culture. Everyone is battling to see who can be the pettiest. (If you don't believe me, look at Buzzfeed. There are articles upon articles about how fun it is to be petty.)

I have no doubt that Josh is faithful. We have been through so much sh*t together, he has proved himself ten times over, so when he double takes someone else's booty, I'm just like, yeah... I get it. ;)

Speaking of Josh, he really is the best husband ever. His patience and self control, his strict moral code, his kindness to others--these are qualities within him that I love. He teaches me to be better every damn day. Every relationship has problems, and of course we disagree. It's frequent! We bicker pretty regularly, but I can count the number of our "fights" on one hand. I can count the number of times Josh has yelled in anger on a single finger. It's one of my favorite things about him. His patience is endless. His ability to talk things out calmly is how I know for sure that he will make an excellent father someday.

It's funny. I often think about how people perceive Josh and I honestly don't think most people see who he truly is. He acts like a grumpy old man 99% of the time, his RBF is real and I have had many people--friends and family--tell me they think Josh hates them because he looks like he's "judging." And I just have to laugh, because they are SO WRONG. He is one of the kindest, least judgmental souls in the world.

He may not seem like it, but Josh is very charming and so loving, even to strangers. Specifically those who are outcast or ignored. I learned a powerful lesson from him in our dating days when a painfully awkward young man sat down next to us whilst we were on a date and just talked and talked about absolutely nothing. I was annoyed. I wanted this dude to leave so I could go back to my date, but Josh was long suffering, and showed genuine interest and love for this complete stranger and the nonsense he had to say. When he finally left, I asked Josh why he didn't just ask the dude to leave. He looked me in the eye and said, "when someone takes the time to talk to you, chances are it's because they need to feel listened to."  I cry every time I think about it, and it's something Josh does almost every day without even thinking.

Josh has a need to understand an issue from every point of view before ever opening his mouth in statement of his own. It's something he chastises me for often. "Did you hear that [such and such political mellarky?]" and he'll ask me for my sources. It used to bug the crap out of me--no, scratch that. IT STILL DOES. But it has taught me an important scholarly lesson. We live in a society that is so quick to judge and form opinions on incomplete evidence or biased accusations, and often, nobody even cares to learn the truth. Now, whenever I read something on the internet, or a friend tells me their opinion, I can't help myself but to look for sources--give me the facts. SHOW ME IN THE BIBLE. ;)

I feel like I am not doing a lick of justice to the man that Josh is. And the unfortunate thing is that none of you will likely ever know him the way that I do. People will continue to think he's just a grumpy bastard, and I'll just smile because I know better. He's the most Christlike person I know.


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