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Showing posts from March, 2017

the B-word.

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i think i have more hormones than the average female human. as a teenager, i fell for a new boy pretty much every week and i fell hard. when i became an adult and married the brit, i thought my weird hormonal antics would end.
they did not end. they just shifted.

i no longer chase after men like a dog chases steak. now i chase babies. i swear to ghandi, i can sense a baby's cry from a mile away, and when a baby cries, i cry (although i am a sympathetic crier, so a lot of things make me cry. BUT MOSTLY IT'S BABY-RELATED THINGS). when i walk into a room, i instantly and unconsciously scout for infants, and i go out of my way to hold them, to smile at them, to smell them.

before we were married, josh and i talked about family plans and we both agreed that we wanted a massive family. the day we were sealed we both received revelation/decided that "family planning" was not something we particularly wanted to do. whenever God gave us babies, we would welcome them with open…

how do you define yourself?

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So often I see Insagram bios and social media headers wherein people define themselves by their careers, or the number of children they have, or what they do for fun. It got me to thinking about how I ought to define myself.


I used to be Singer. My mother used to say that I could sing before I could talk, and I believed her. In middle school, I was that choir kid who sang everywhere: during class, in the hall, even the bathroom. People would make sarcastic comments, and even as insecure of a kid as I was, I never worried about my singing. In high school, I competed with it and I was kind of a big deal. ;) I discovered my niche for opera, and started taking voice lessons to train that classical side. And in college, I studied it!

I remember a lecture in my method class where the professor suggested we develop a list of defining characteristics, from least defining to most. Mine consisted of something along the lines of "I am an auntie, I am a sister, I am a daughter, I am a baker, I…

a love affair with mental illness.

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This post has been months in the making. It's something I think about a lot, and I always say to myself "I should put this on my blog" but when I write it down, the words never seem right. What I really wish is that Josh would write about it, but he is only vaguely aware that this little site exists, and I prefer to keep it that way for now.

It's not a secret that I struggle with anxiety and depression. I'm not embarrassed about it, and I really don't mind people knowing, not because I love attention, but because it's something I know a lot of people go through, and I wished I had known about it sooner.

We recently lost our insurance because we could't afford it, and no insurance means no meds. Truth be told, I hadn't been taking my meds for a few months even before we lost our insurance, and I was still doing really well, so I though, eh. No big deal. Maybe I'm cured!

Yeah. Literally everyone with depression/anxiety/mental illness goes through t…